we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
