If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
