i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
