Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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