So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
