We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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