I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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