she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
