I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
