I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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