Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
