haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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