i need an iv and a liver transplant
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
