no, he came in my armpit
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
