His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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