i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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