Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
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How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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