my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
