the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
