i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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