hotel room ftw
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
