I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
