I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
