What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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