My hand turned me down
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
