youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.