I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
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Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
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You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?