Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
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Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
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He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted