well I can't set my house on fire every night
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again