I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE