you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I will pee on everything he values.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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