Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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