Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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