it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
