I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
