nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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