Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
