I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
