woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
