Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
