I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
it hurts more in the daytime
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
