Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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