I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
