Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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