Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
