If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
where does the pee come out of this thing
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
