Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
