I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
