I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
