so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
