I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
