just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
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the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
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I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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