I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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