i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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