my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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