I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
MIDGETS
????
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
