1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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