P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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