you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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