You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
