All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
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he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
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There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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