Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Two words: nipple clamps
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