You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
