I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
