Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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