Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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