I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
