TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
