You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
