I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
