you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
