Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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