Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
