what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
