Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
