I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
