I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
