Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
