no, he came in my armpit
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
